Lady Cat Lady

On this, the fourth anniversary of my heart attack and femoral artery bursting, I thought I’d remind everyone, including myself, why I’m doing this.

I was 51 when I had a heart attack, it happened on my partner’s birthday, and it is forever etched in my mind as the scariest days of my life. It changed so much about the way I saw myself.

Some of you remember from back prior to the heart attack, but I can tell you with certainty, I lived in a kind of “Peter Pan Syndrome”. Sure, I paid my bills, but I flitted about, and didn’t place a lot of value on stability. And, I avoided any sense of real responsibility.

Then, the heart attack happened, and it was the biggest wake up call ever. I was making jokes in the Emergency Room and up in my room in the cardio lab, but I was truly scared and contemplating my life in so many ways.

After the second cardiac catheterization, when my femoral artery burst, that’s when I came face to face with mortality in a way I’m not sure I can explain. It’s not like I saw anything, it’s more like coming to the realization that I was going to die and didn’t feel as though I accomplished enough.

We were in the middle of the pandemic, and I was in ICU for weeks because of my heart and ensuing complications. Thankfully, obviously, I came out the other side okay, but mentally changed.

Simply put, I grew up a freaking lot in those two weeks in the hospital. I stopped seeing myself as this young, almost childlike version of myself that I cultivated in some bid to win back a lost youth.

And, I grew up a whole lot more in the ensuing years following it. I started taking therapy seriously, worked on my health in different ways, and let go of a lot of those toxic traits and thoughts that were slowly killing me and my psyche.

I’m not there, though. I saw my cardiologist and my blood pressure is high. He’s thrilled about my cholesterol numbers, but I can’t get off my cholesterol medication because I need to take it due to the stents I have in my heart and femoral artery. I will remain on the lowest dose for the rest of my life.

As for my blood pressure, he raised some of the medication I am taking and is making me do a heart ultrasound and stress test before he will approve me having surgery. I know this is about being sure I’m safe, but it was frustrating to hear. We are hoping we can get the insurance approval before the surgery.

The cravings are still an issue, though I have been fairly good at utilizing my own willpower to overcoming the thoughts that keep popping into my brain. Like…”Debbi…chocolate…you want chocolate”.

Things like bread and pasta still don’t appeal, so there’s at least that.

I continue to work out four days a week at the gym doing strength training, and pretty well stuck to my low fat, low calorie, high protein diet.

Nick continues to eat many things he shouldn’t as a diabetic, but he has lessened them quite a bit. He is still off his sugary soda, which he drank quite a bit daily.

Get you some tissues:

Now listen to the original:

Amazing what life experience can bring, isn’t it?

Happy Wednesday!