Have You Ever…

Looked back on decisions you made and want to smack the crap out of yourself? I do, right now.

My ego made me believe I could deal with it.

Why did I think I was over it all?

I didn’t intend to go back and stay, it was supposed to be a quick pop in to say hi.

But I stayed and let a little anger out

Then a little more

Then more

And so on…

Now that I’ve done a speed run of returning and getting banned in two weeks, I don’t regret what I wrote. I regret picking that damn scab.

A wise person advised me to forgive and I understand and even agree with his point, my issue is that my feelings don’t wish to cooperate.

They want vengeance.

(Not physically, I’m a pacifist.)

They want acknowledgement and a sincere apology.

Logically, I know I won’t get either.

According to WholeChildCounseling.com justice sensitivity in ADHD is an intense deeply felt awareness of unfairness or wrongdoing, paired with powerful emotional and behavioral reactions to perceived inequities.

I feel as though I was treated unfairly last year. I picked at old wounds. My brain had an emotional response which leads to me hyper fixating on it, again.

See? I know what’s happening. I just don’t know how to stop the hyper fixation.

By the way, learning about justice sensitivity explained a lot about my life over the years. One of the reasons I started calling myself Enigma Initiative online was I didn’t understand why I did some of the things I did.

Well, now that new readers are super confused and old readers are shaking their heads at the latest on “As The Debbi Turns”

Whenever I think of the people there, I think of this. Cheers peeps